Friday, August 31, 2007

The Past Had it Coming

Time once again to derive comedy mileage from the mundane fact that words don't quite mean what they used to sometimes:

'It looks as if she's just made a hole and stuck this thing, whatever it is, in. But it's a crazy thing to do. She must be a bit queer.' 'Don!' ejaculated Susan, horrified.

This one has the trifecta of "queer", "ejaculate" and an easily construed sexual innuendo! If only they'd managed to work "prophylactic" in there somehow, there'd be nothing left for me to do. Like, ever.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Violence to Gonads

'Just watch it - I've got nine throwing daggers here, one for each of your ovaries!' 'But...' 'One for each of your ovaries four times! And then one of them another time!!' '“Seriously, you need to work on that threat, it's - gah! My ovaries!'

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Mildly Interesting Announcement

Monkey Fluids spreads its soul even thinner across the barren plains of the Internets by jumping on the Facebook bandwagon. No, you can't be an officer.

Important Announcement

Children! The New Zealand flatworm is an introduced pest in the UK. Do not take one home and surreptitiously feed it table scraps until it grows to an enormous size. That's just what the Communists want.

Seriously, though -- if you live in the British Isles and happen to come across a specimen of the New Zealand flatworm, notify the Agricultural Development and Advisory Service or the Scottish Crop Institute. Apparently they give a fuck.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Gratuitous Pop Culture Reference #Some

As suggested by RSJS during the collection of moments in between movie viewing and large pies that we half-heartedly refer to as "real life" -- pick the Gratutitous Pop Culture Reference that most appeals to you:

'Fuck you, Skywalker!'

'Fuck you, Ash!'

'Fuck you, Thing!'

And that's the end of that.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Platitude Dog

In Japanese mythology, Kimarimonkuinu is the canine spirit of tired clich├ęs. In this depiction we see him bounding through the undergrowth, having successfully bitten the hand that feeds him, now looking for a manger to lie in or some new tricks to fail to learn.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Darque = Wanque

'What do you think you're doing, Jeeves, disturbing me on my death bed?' 'Sir, I keep telling you: calling it your 'death bead' isn't goign to help you score goth chicks.'