Thursday, February 07, 2008

Famly Values

'Now Timmy, there's no need to resort to those masturbation pants for your sexual thrills. Why don't you do the respectable thing and marry the first girl you take a liking to -- say, Hettie here -- then you can demand sex whenever you want.' 'Whenever I want?' 'Yes, Timmy. It's a man's right.'

10 comments:

jacobmarley said...

Paul's meeting with Harriett's father was a tense affair. But she didn't help matters by continually smelling her fingers.

They both knew where those fingers had been.

hydrocynus said...

All too late Bonnie realised that she'd forgotten to pack the pistol in Clyde's hat-holster. Desperately, Clyde tried his luck with the old 'mime-gun' trick , but there was little chance that Captain Hamer would fall for that one

Brock Sampson said...

"The H stands for Humptastic." declared Ginger's pimp.

"So she'll fuck my brains out?"

"She'll fuck them out and then fuck them back in. See how she loves the smell of herself? Just put the money in the hat and she's yours for the night."



It wasn't until later that Travis learned what the H really stood for. Herpes.

Anonymous said...

"Do not eat the fruit of of this tree" said the Lord "for it gives the wisdom of good and evil".

"Why not?" said Adam. "Wisdom is good, right? If we don't know what's right and wrong, how are we going to know the difference, eh?".

"Look, just don't eat it, right. Because I said so. That's all you need to know".

"But that's bullshit" said Adam. "If I understand you correctly, we don't even know whether doing what you say is right, do we? We could be doing the right thing or just obeying the orders of a dictator. I could understand if the fruit tasted bad, or something..."

"Yeah, that's it" said the Lord, "It tastes bad. It tastes filthy. Don't touch it or you have to wash your hands".

"But, it's yummy!" said Eve.

Oh shit. Now we're for it, thought Adam...

mjohnson said...

"See I've spunked in your hat, what you gonna do about it?"

Anonymous said...

"Look I've put twoppence in your hat, now fuck off! I'm waiting for my fiance's father and I don't want any smelly tramps hanging around."

"But Terrence!"

Ed said...

"Now, I say! Pull my finger again, Gatsby, or suffer the consequences, sir," the colonel demanded.

Mr Gatsby hesitated, knowing the consequences would be severe whether he complied or not.

Erik said...

Timmy knew that he had lost Harriet forever; but he still couldn't understand what she saw in Marlon Brando.

vincenzo said...

So lets say that I want to stop demanding sex from Hettie, she gets half of all my shit right?

Well...

Dammit that is what the H stands for "Half of your shit" and not "Head". No thanks old man, pimp your daughter out to some other sucker, I am keepin the pants! Plus, I am just about to finish this round of pool, so step aside.

Prunes said...

"No, I was not looking for her. I asked if you knew where they kept the garden HOSE".