Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Chimp Justice

The Professor thought that the park was an ideal grooming location, but he hadn’t reckoned on Bimpo the Vigilante Chimp. His throwing darts found their mark, and within moments both paedophile and prey were paralyzed from the eyeballs down. Bimpo smiled and returned to the trees. He’d leave this for the police to sort out.

Just to keep you on your toes, this time I refer to a monkey as a chimp! And I laughed when I did it!!

Hang on -- March 20. That date sounds familiar... Why, a year ago today it was March 20 as well! And that was the day that this all started. What I'm getting at here is that today is Monkey Fluids' first birthday. Hasn't he grown?

As is becoming traditional, I will celebrate this anniversary by buggering off for a while. I'm humouristically pooped -- frankly, I'm surprised I made it this far. I need to take some time off, find some new source materials, think up some new paedophile gags and generally sort things out (did I mention that I've just bought a house?) I'll be back in a while, most likely.

If you're new, have a look around -- there's a year's worth of archives over on the right there. If you're not, keep an eye on that RSS reader...

8 comments:

Carl said...

Karen's father had always known her daughter was special, for she could indeed converse telepathically with the chimps, and for that her father had always hated her. It wasn't until the chimps attacked that he knew how much she hated him as well...

BAT said...

Only having visitation rights every other Wednesday, Mr. Handlen didn't waste any opportunity to share his fatherly advice. "If you fart now, you can blame it on the monkey."

OR

"Ooh Ooh! I'd like to put my banana in you!"
Maryanne knew her father was a ventriloquist, but it was easier to pretend that the monkey could talk.

OR

"Ha... he throws like a girl. It only went 10 feet." Mr. Jenkins began rolling up his sleeves. In a few minutes, the monkey would see how far a former high school athlete throws his feces.

ed said...

Manfred smiled to himself.
Gordon was doing a wondeful job of distracting the girl, dancing about in the trees like that.
Now all he had to do was put the net out from under his hat, and he'd have himself a fine young girl to sell to the island people.
A fine young girl indeed.

jacobmarley said...

(whispers) "Dad,dad, that lady's forgotten her bag."

(through side of mouth) "Shh. Just let her get out of sight."

Unknown to the two erstwhile tea leaves, Operation Jungle Drums was about to bag its next arrest. Constable Bananas was just waiting for the right moment.

Surfline Development said...

It had been a terrible year: Nine months of secrecy, culminating in the birth of the horribly deformed child. But, all was now right with the world as they released their unwanted monkey-baby into the wild.

Father and daughter could return to their forbidden love. Emotionally drained, but secure in the knowledge that, as devout catholics, they would continue to shun birth control.

Anonymous said...

In a flash, Montague pulled his magnum and plugged the offending simian between the eyes
"Well George, perhaps my lead enema will teach you to curb your damn curiosity!"

paedophile finder said...

barnaby, aged 17, and cortney , aged 13, sit at the park as barnaby is a paedophile he trys to mack out the little school girl, while alex the monkey sits in the trees spying on then two trying to bust barnaby for kiddy fiddleing

Hale Inne-Propryatt said...

Mincy the Spider-Monkey looked on sadly. Since the Professor took up with young Lucy, her willing and flexible ways had detracted from the regular daily spankings he had grown to quite relish.