Monday, July 03, 2006

Comic #50: Something Different

Jake's Hole

Good morning, class. Today, we're going to be going over the sorts of things to look for in a picture when you're trying to come up with a caption for it...

Starting with our jolly captain (1), what's he so pleased about? Winking slyly, pipe in hand -- there's got to be something going on there.

The woman to his left (2) also looks suspiciously happy. She also appears to be leaning to one side slightly, as though she's about to fart. Fart jokes are funny.

Things get even more interesting when we turn our gaze to the old man in front (3). Not only does his head appear worryingly close to the captain's crotch, it's also covering up the captain's hand, which is equally worryingly positioned -- plenty of material there for why he might look so happy (see 1).

Moving on, the gesture being made by the woman in the middle (4) is a little suspect. Palm up, fingers curled, beckoning slightly, all of these give the impression of someone who wants something slapped into her hand. If that "something" were a penis, comedy could result.

And finally, while all this is going on, the dog on the right (5) stares out to sea, unconcerned with the boat or its passengers. What is he looking at? Or avoiding looking at? This is pretty much a blank slate for anything you might want to come up with.

So bearing all of this in mind, what can we come up with for a caption? How about:

"Denise let one go quietly enough that no-one noticed -- no-one that is, except for Captain Jim, who lowered his pipe to better appreciate its full vintage. Flatulence fetishists -- there's one on every boat." (1+2)

"Uncle Henry could only gaze in rapt fascination as Captain Jim unzipped and began to show off his latest piercings." (1+3)

"Come on Uncle Henry, slap it out right here -- if the stories are true, you should be able to do it without getting out of your seat..." (4)

"Conversation resumed as though nothing had happened. Only Fido continued to stare at the spreading ripples that marked the final resting place of Father Jeremy." (5)

All of these are the wrong caption to use, however, because THE STORY IS TITLED "JAKE'S HOLE" FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! You just can't outdo that, and shame on you for trying.

Apologies to Kathleen Winfield, whoever you are.

13 comments:

Tom said...

Given that we also can't see the left hand of the woman referenced in 4 (which could be under the dog), and working from the hand gesture, ones like "Now, if you twist carefully, the dog's entire scrotum will come off in one clean movement". Notably, this is before the before shot, as the dog would probably be a little less oblivious afterwords (although, there may be laughing gas equivalents for dogs).

(I blame my vet friends...)

Anonymous said...

Also, the man whose face is hidden at the bottom of the picture has his face in woman four's crotch. The fact his is the only face truly hidden could add to the humor.

trix b said...

Janet leaned slightly to one side for leverage to continue her expoloration. She wasn't going to alert the rest of the passengers yet, but she was 90% certain she'd found Jake's hole.

Captain Jake, of course, was positive.

(1,2, title)

Georgi Rimsakov said...

3: Uncle Ted had been dead since 1989, but after embalming, they bring him along on their annual holiday anyway.

Apathy Jack said...

I figured you had numbered them in order that they were going to get eaten.

hillhunt said...

“One way with dog to the Sea of Nice, Calm Endings? There must be some mistake…”

“Does Madam have a red ring of survival visible only to those with the approved level of retinal filtering?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Welcome to the Gattaca Corporation family, friends and pets discontinuation day out...”

Anonymous said...

-"Who's turn is it to wank them doggies off, shipmates?"

-"Me cap'n - I'll start with the pretty spaniel"

-"Arrr"

Ted Maul said...

"Shit!" thought Fido "Ok I can juggle and say something that sounds like sausages, but why did they put me in charge of the boat?"

The rest of family told stories and jokes, completely oblivious of the fact that Captain Fido was not in fact the most talented dog in the world and that they would soon perish.

hunthill said...

Holmes sucked on his pipe and winked at Watson, suffering for forensic science in a twinset and pearls...

"See the picnic in the hessian bag, my dear Watson..."

"Why yes, Captain Holmes."

"Now study the dog's uncanny anticipation."

"My God, Holmes, it's..."

"Aye, 'tis the Hound of the Basket Meals!"

Robert said...

Rex turned his back and stared out to sea in mute disbelief. Toilet humour. Sodomy double-entendres. And Muffy was playing along with the rest of them as though she actually found them amusing! How could she sink to their level? It was more than a dog could bear.

(1 through 5)

Anonymous said...

The Weymouth Sexual Deviancy Society were finding it increasingly difficult to find safe places for their weekly meetings.

Captain Jack "So this week we'll be practicing "Tromboning" - Mrs Blenkinsop choose a stunt-dog my dear"

Jacobmarley said...

The Weymouth gag was mine but my feeble earth brain hadn't worked out how to sign it.

You've missed the most obvious angle in your splendid seminar. "What are they all doing in the boat in the first place"

Aaron said...

With the tiller frimly in his rectum, Capt. Jack proved that he really could make them all dizzy just by shaking his arse.